Some Aviation Humour… see the above link for many many more:
Controller to aircraft that just landed: “Bear right, next intersection”
Pilot: “Roger, we have him in sight”
True conversation heard at Hanover Airport. The young woman in Tower has recently finished her training and is still not completely at ease. BA XXX is at holding position runway 09R. Another aircraft is doing approach procedures for a landing on the same runway. Tower wishes to expedite take-off for BA XXX:
Tower: BA XXX, are you ready for a quickie ?
BA XXX: Lady, I’m always ready for a quickie, but first I have to fly this plane to Helsinki !
ATC: “Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? ”
Cessna: “To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating.
ATC: “I meant in the next five minutes not years.”
(Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing…)
San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.
(Heard on the radio – Really )
Cessna: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.”
Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!”
Cessna: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.”